Random Ramblings and Updates

Adoption Update

We are waiting for the US consulate in China to reopen (they moved buildings) so that we can drop off our Article 5. I won't get into the details of what exactly that is. It's not because I don't know. Because of course I do. It's a piece of paper. With words on it. And it's official looking. I know all about it. I just don't want to bore you with the details.

Once it gets dropped off, it can get picked back up (yup, I said it). That takes a couple weeks. Then we wait for Travel Approval (TA). That takes a couple weeks. Then we pick our appointment at the consulate, maybe 2-4 weeks after TA. We're hoping for a September travel. Yikes and hooray at the same time.

The last update told us that Talitha is doing fine (it's the party line apparently) and that she's about 23 lbs.

She was about 12 in March.

I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box...but no.

Our two year old is about 23 lbs. He's 6 months older than Talitha and hasn't been in an orphanage, fighting a heart condition that turned him blue with exertion. She was a preemie and 4-5 lb at 4 months. He was 9 Lb 12 oz at birth and was dubbed "The Linebacker" from several nurses. He has the blood of West Virginia coal miners coursing through his big ol veins. Oh, and Germans. Don't forget the lager-and-sausage-loving German blood. He's solid and his thighs make bike riders jealous. You have to squish them when you see them. You can't fight that feeling.

You can't see her thighs in this pictures but I'm guessing they're not really squishable. Look at the difference in their arms, for goodness sake's. I peg her at 15-18 lbs. 9 month old clothes.

I've heard from other adoptive parents that updates stats are hardly ever accurate and they either just do it flat wrong or pad the numbers to make them appear healthier.

Stop trying to pull the wonton wrapper over my eyes, China. Get it together.

On a related note, Matt preached this past Sunday. He chose adoption and oh my goodness, why did I wear mascara? The very first sentence he spoke, he choked up too. This has become so personal and passionate for us.


The Alternator of Doom

As the kids and I were leaving my niece's birthday party, the gas pedal inexplicably stopped working. On a four lane busy road in the city on a Saturday afternoon. It's me and the three kids. And it's raining. I coasted into a parking lot and called my dad, who was close by, and Matt, who was not.

Everyone agreed it sounded like the alternator. I agreed too because alternator sounds like it could definitely be a car part.

We've had AAA forever. Matt had it before we got married. Guess what Matt did two weeks ago? That's right - he canceled it. Thinking we hardly ever use it and could save that money for the adoption. Matt called AAA and explained the situation to them. They reinstated us immediately.

Mad props and hat tips and rounds of applause to AAA.

We got it towed back to Macclenny and the kids enjoyed a rare meal out waiting for the tow truck.

Having to pay almost $500 to get this fixed is something you don't really think about unless you need the money for something big. Otherwise it's just a blip, an annoying part of life.

But now it's like "Oh c'mon, really? Now? Really?"

On a related note, Florida is getting hit with Seattle-ish amounts of rain. Our septic field is not happy. When we picked up the van, Kate and I took it upon ourselves to use a working bathroom. Sure, it was a dirty shop bathroom but the guy there was kind enough to let us use it. It was slightly embarrassing, as Kate loudly described what she was doing. And how she could tell she had carrots by the coloring of certain things in the toilet. It was a very loud and detailed play by play. And there's really only so much interest you can fake in someone else's bodily function while also quietly admonishing them to hurry it up and stop admiring how shiny the soap is.

Grey's Anatomy for Children

As we've exhausted much of the heart surgery videos on youtube, I've been scouring clips of interesting surgeries from Grey's Anatomy to watch with Jack. I don't let him watch the whole episodes and if you've seen any, you know why. Plus, he wouldn't care about the personal drama anyway. We were watching this one clip when someone has an explosive from a bazooka in his abdomen (the show is nothing if not realistic). The patient was in the OR and an anesthesiologist was working the ambu bag (essentially breathing for the patient). I explained what was happening. Later on in the episode, everyone thinks the explosive will detonate and they hit the floor. Eventually they slowly get up, and the drama is palpable. Jack is intent, eyes glued to the screen. I wonder if I've gone too far, exposed him to something that's really upset him.

"Jack?" I ask quietly, "You ok buddy?"

"No. No one is giving that patient oxygen. It's been like two minutes. There's no point in doing the surgery now. The patient is dead. They should leave the bomb in the patient so it doesn't explode on everyone else."

Son of a gun, he's right. No one started working the ambu bag after they hit the floor.

A surgeon he is indeed.

Surgery Update

Talitha had surgery Monday. Yes, Monday - the day I was so worried about her it seemed like the sugar of a thousand m&ms would not suffice. I got an email this morning that she had the surgery and it was done through a heart cath - not open heart. This is fantastic news. No difficult surgery, no long recovery and risk of infection of the incision. I'm going to post a video of what they did to repair one of her heart defects because it's easier than explaining it. It's also a video made in Chinese. So the guy talking has a slight Chinese accent and there's Chinese background music. Apropos.

Her other defects may resolve with time. She'll have a full work up at the pediatric hospital in Jacksonville when we get home.

We also got some pictures of Tali in the hospital. Oh my goodness, you guys. She is so sad. She even has a single crocodile tear in a couple pictures. Maybe it's that I know she's an orphan - but she really seems like an orphan to me. Forlorn. Alone. I just want to reach through the computer and hold her and whisper I love her and tickle her feet until she laughs.

I attempted Chinese cuisine today. We ended our rice fast and enjoyed chow mein and brownies with ice cream. My in-laws joined us and we talked and laughed and thanked the Healer for his goodness. And Tali girl? There's a brownie with ice cream in your very near future.

Surgery News

Today was emotionally draining.

Our recent email from China said she was in Shanghai and would be having surgery next week. Alright, breathe easy - surgery soon for our sweet girl.

Then I got an email this morning from our guy telling me that her condition is worse than they previously thought and she would be having surgery tonight. At work so I was in the triage room in the ER. Heart beating fast, I shot off an email to some good friends and family for prayers. Not an hour later, I got an email from him letting me know that whoops! surgery is back to this week as planned. Here is the actual email:

Well,I got different messages. I was told the surgery would be next week,then tomorrow,then next week again. I will verify and let you know. The good news is heart issue is not complicated at all,VSD,PFO,PDA and mild PH. She will be fine. No worries.

Really? Oh, ok - I won't worry then. She just has FOUR different heart conditions, one of which could lead to congestive heart failure. Even though I'm a nurse (and an ER nurse - we are notorious for not caring. At all), and I know that those heart issues are relatively common and surgery should be no problem, it's still worrisome thank you very much. 

Times like this I wish there was a sarcasm font. 

Then I got another email hours later saying yes, he confirmed the surgery will be next week.This was on my mind all day while talking to people about their chest pain and putting IVs in and that sort of thing. 

Worry. Worry. Worry. Praying. Praying. Praying.

We decided to do a rice fast during dinner for the next week or so. We just eat rice. And pray for Tali. So it's not really a fast as we are eating something. But it calls us to focus on her. We started on Thursday. Friday we had rice for lunch as we were going out to eat for my birthday (fine! Noah's too...). Jack prayed for Talitha and said "Please God help her to have her surgery soon - we've eaten nothing but rice for two days."

How tragic, the lives my kids lead.

It's sticky Asian rice, Calrose to be specific. The top of the bag has the words 'Extra Fancy' on it. For some reason, it makes me feel better. Not sure why but I'm rolling with it.

So basically we don't really know what's going on over in Shanghai tonight. What day is the surgery? How long will it be? What's the recovery projected for her? Is she smiling? Is someone holding her? Will she be sung to sleep tonight? 

Sometimes it feels like we're playing the telephone game with China. It goes through so many people and by the time it gets to us, the message is all garbled and weird. Maybe we'll get there and I'll talk about the heart problem and they'll say "Heart problem? No, I said start. My car wouldn't start and it was a problem."

Something like that. 

Today I was held up by my friends and family, all of whom were praying for her all day. We are blessed. 

The word blessed gets overused to the point where it loses its meaning. 

Among its meanings is my favorite: enjoying happiness, to bestow good of any kind upon.

We enjoy happiness because of you. You bestow good upon us. 

We are grateful for those who surround us with good things. She is being washed in the prayers of the faithful.

Random Ramblings

Yes I'm alive. We had some family in town for the last couple weeks. Such a great time. We ate good food and played games and did cannonballs in the pool at 10 pm. Good for the soul, times like that.


Adoption Update

We got an email from our China contact letting us know that Talitha will be in Shanghai on Thursday for the surgery. The surgeons will evaluate her when she gets there so we don't know the exact date of the surgery. But it's got to be soon, right? Cause she'll be there and all. Yup, logic. Maybe it will be Friday. Then July 5 will be my and Noah's birthday and Tali's heart day. How many balloons can we cram into one day?

We're excited and nervous and so wish we could be there with her. It will be so much easier for her when we travel if she's already had the surgery.

Side note: In Tali's referral, it stated that she turns blue when she cries. This makes sense as she has VSD (ventricular septum defect) and there is a hole between the ventricles. Essentially the oxygenated blood is mixing with the unoxygenated blood. So when her heart rate or blood pressure rises (like when she's upset), her oxygen levels drop. So today Kate colored a picture of a princess in her coloring book and gave her a blue face. She said it was like Talitha when she cries. I asked if the princess had a heart problem and Kate replied "No, it's just magic."

We'll keep you updated on her surgery. Any prayers would be appreciated.

Toddler Idiosyncrasies

Noah is having trouble going to sleep these days. He'll crawl right out of his bed and start wrecking havoc. I'll walk in 20 minutes after I put him down to find the closet light on and books strewn all over the floor. Noah will have taken his pants and diaper off and put on his little crocs. He will be rolling around on the floor. Then he will cry and flail about when I put him into bed. There is no use reasoning, this I know. But I still try. "Noah, this is inappropriate behavior." "Don't you want to be well-rested for your tantrums tomorrow?" "Aren't you exhausted from spitting an entire apple onto the floor in tiny little chunks at lunch today?" Things like that.

"Childhood goes by so fast" is the mantra I repeat to myself through clenched teeth. While taking an aspirin. And washing it down with Merlot.

Body Piercing

A friend of mine got a nose ring and it's so darn cute. I've always liked them but it just didn't feel right for me to get one. I'm not a person who can pull that off. My friend asked why I couldn't and I responded that it wouldn't go with my sweatpants (I jest of course. They're yoga pants).

Plus I imagine that flus and colds and such would be rather pesky with a nose ring.

If I had a pretty sparkly nose ring, that would mean that I would have to kick it up a notch regarding the rest of my appearance. First you get a nose ring, then you start wearing make-up on a daily basis. Maybe you'll seriously considering not wearing your hair in a ponytail but actually putting thought into your hairstyle. It's a downward spiral to looking good. Pretty soon you're brushing your teeth every day and not picking at your scabs. Where does it end? I get tired just thinking about it.

Adoption Update

Yesterday we got our Letter of Approval (LOA). It's wonderful news, as it gives us a window of travel - should be early September. Thankfully, Matt is home on vacation this week because we have family visiting and he was here to sign and date things. I had to print out a bunch of papers I had filled out for Immigration Services. They had to be signed and dated and overnighted. Things had to be copied and scanned into our computer. Some things had to be photocopies, some had to be originals. It was all very complicated, as government things usually tend to be. It was wonderful timing though, as my lovely brother and sister-in-law took the older two kids out for ice cream and my good friend, also visiting, cleaned the kitchen and swam in the pool with Noah. I had about two hours to get everything done and mailed out before I had to go to class and I just barely squeaked into the room with two minutes to spare.

In the midst of the paper craze, I caught sight of a sentence on Talitha's referral papers describing her status as abandoned and without anyone to care for her. It was one of those professional sentences you would expect to find on a government paper. That's it. That's her - abandoned. A few quick types on a keyboard and her situation is summed up in a bleak and dreary combination of words.

It struck me as quite awful and hot tears pricked my eyes.

Sometimes I get so caught up in this day to day of living that I can't see these big huge amazing things that God is doing in our lives. The endless laundry, the screams of a toddler, the apple slices, the bandaids, the papers in APA format. Often I look back at my life and I can see all these amazing things - some bad, some good. I often just can't see them as they're happening. It just looks like life. But really it's a grand adventure, stitched together with all these little things.

She's out there now, sleeping in a blue metal crib in a row of blue metal cribs in a room full of blue metal cribs. Her life has been stamped and labeled and it's a pretty depressing one. She has no idea we're over here, working and working and working to get her. She doesn't fully realize the gravity of her situation but we do.

Once, a long time again, God worked and worked and worked all things together for my good. He rewrote the sentence of my life. No longer condemned but free.

One day Matt and I will cross out that sentence and sign our names on a piece of paper that states she is no longer labeled abandoned. Her sentence will read that she has found a safe place to land - and she is beloved.

Things to Think On

No big post to write. Sorry to disappoint. My in-laws moved to town (hooray!), we're still waiting for Talitha's surgery and that letter from China (boo). Finishing up my research paper for my nursing research class. Am befuddled much of the time. So nothing new here.

A smattering of articles and things for your enjoyment:

Bono on Jesus - Patheos blog

Yes. Love. Shared by a good friend. Anytime someone paraphrases God and uses the word 'cretins,' I agree. Simple and true stuff.

Adoption and Trauma - Gobbel Counseling

Adoption is not for the faint of heart...

Black holes and other fun things...

Also, our new favorite science channel.

Medical School and the Cost of Medicine

Teaching would-be doctors to take the actual cost of medicine into account. Lots of raised eyebrows in hospitals over seemingly unnecessary but expensive tests. Hmmm...

And also a cute picture or two. Because I can.

Random Ramblings - and more than just a dash of stupid

Shoes

The other night it was dark and I was looking for a pair of shoes in our room. I saw some flip flops and put them on. They were huge. And my first reaction was that my feet had shrunk. Not that I had on Matt's shoes. No - it was that my feet had shrunk several sizes.

Bumps in the Night

Once when we lived in Savannah, GA several years ago I heard something in the middle of the night. I told Matt and he threw me his cell phone on his way to investigate. I thought it was really nice of him to give me a light so I didn't have to wait for him in the dark. When I told him that later, he was incredulous that I thought it was for the light and not to call the police if need be.

Last night my parents offered to watch the kids so I could finish my research paper and Matt and I could do some work around the house. I slept the entire night (no toddler to summon me with squawking). Matt told me in the morning that he had heard a noise and went to check it out. He also said he didn't bother telling me and giving me a phone because I would just say "Ooh, pictures to look at! How cute!" and while Matt was in the fight of his life with a burglar, I would think "Why is he making so much noise? I can't hear this video..."

Yup, he knows me.

Dignity? I've gots it.

My in-laws are moving down here, as you all know. The other day I was in Walmart and was checking out my groceries and thought a bit about the move. We live in a typical little southern town. I never really traveled to the South as a kid and I truly thought that the South was like 'Gone With the Wind.' I imagined genteel ladies and gentlemen, carrying parasols and saying things like "Goodness gracious me!" Certainly there are plently of sweet, polite, more-sweet-tea-darling? type of Southerners but a good amount, at least where we live, are, um, a bit lower on the social ladder.

When we moved down to FL from Ohio, I was 17. My first day of senior year I saw a pick-up truck with absurdly huge tires. It had a Confederate flag and was doing donuts in the parking lot. I was befuddled. Mainly because I never saw a Confederate flag outside of a history book. And I couldn't figure out why someone would purposely raise the body of their truck that high. Isn't the center of gravity all weird? How do you get inside it without pulling muscles?

Also on that first day of school, a guy told me "Go home, Yankee!"

You go home, too. You're not Native American. We're probably both European.

This town is wonderful in a lot of ways but tough in others. Small towns are notorious for being close-knit and southern towns seem to be a bit more extreme. Many people see no need to open their lives to others outside their family and friends they've had since preschool. Not so much fun for new people. We've been here about 7 years and we still feel out of place and lonely sometimes.

Wow, was that a sidetrack to the story. As I was thinking about Southerners while scanning my groceries, I thought "You know, I really should try to be genteel. Dignified. Yes, that's a good idea."

(Yes, I was thinking about gentility and dignity in Walmart. Near the fried chicken counter.)

I headed out to the parking lot and since it was still raining, I got out my umbrella. I was opening it as I was lifting it over my head when one of those little metal stick things got caught in my hair. So I had to flail about trying to get it out of my hair. And it was raining, you remember, so I looked like a crazed wet rat. With an umbrella stuck on its head. While I was thinking I should be more dignified.



As I was telling Matt all these things, he said "If you were as efficient in life as me, you would have nothing to write about."

So true.