A Relaxing Trip to New York...of course, I am Kidding.

If you asked me to list enjoyable activities, traveling in a car for long periods with four children under 10, including two toddlers, would not even make the top 10,000. Nevertheless, that's what we did. The first day we it took us around 18 hours (but who's counting?) to drive from our house in FL to Philadelphia. Ah the City of Jacked up Hotel Rates and No Parking Brotherly Love. We relaxed in a lovely Best Western and ate (what I can only imagine) scrambled eggs rejected from local prisons and public schools. Then we jetted off to The Franklin Institute. We would have been there when it opened but instead we drove circles up and down a dimly lit parking garage while (and I am not making this up) macabre circus music played on loudspeakers in every corner. We finally arrived at the museum only to realize that we had nary a stroller. There are, of course, no stores in the city, only overpriced fruit stands.

I did what any parent in such a situation would do.

I played my daughter's heart condition card and got us a wheelchair to cart them around ("Tali, cough a little. Stop looking so perky" I'd whisper at the counter...)

(Here's where I would insert pictures of us at the museum. But the camera had gotten stashed somewhere among the Cheez-Its and the Melatonin).

After that we spent a night with some friends and headed off to NY (another 8 or so hours in the ever-shrinking vehicle).

Yes, I chose the picture of the children reading. The majority of the time was actually spent either watching movies on the laptop or eating snacks.

Bonus - we got to use the High Occupancy Vehicle lane - yay!

Despite all the driving and the staying at two hotels and three different houses, the kids did pretty well. One of our hosts told us she even bragged to someone about our kids behavior and how they quickly cleared the table after dinner. I nodded serenely, acknowledging the product of consistent parenting. I did not tell her how after dinner I quietly threatened the older two through gritted teeth:

"I swear, if you two do not clear this table politely and quickly you will get unfrosted Poptarts for Christmas this year. And possibly for the rest of your lives."

We had a great couple days with Matt's family. His Aunt and Uncle have an amazing house, like a spread in a Country Pottery Barn magazine. We ate great food, including a corn roast which Matt grew up enjoying, and just spent time together. One of the main reasons we all went up was to see Matt's Grandma Dot (as she's affectionately called by our kids).

We stayed the last couple days in NY at Matt's best friend from high school and his family. His wife and I were treated to many tales of near-death experiences from their late teen driving escapades.

We took a quick jaunt to Niagara Falls, which was exciting for the first ten minutes or so.

Matt and his best friend (also Matt, same birthday). No one who knew them as teens would've guessed they would both end up professionals in suits.

On the way home we decided to break up the trip into two days. We treated the kids to a particularly horrific Golden Corral (after which Matt and I made a solemn vow to never, ever go to that restaurant again. Unless we are dying. And even then maybe not.)

We started off the trip passing out books and planning to show movies on a maybe four hour schedule. By the end, the movies were on continuous play. I've never felt such strong feelings of love for a computer as I do that old laptop. When it finally goes to the Radio Shack in the sky, we may lovingly bury in the backyard under a tree and lay DVDs on the site once a year in remembrance.

Glassy eyes, watching Pixar and waiting for the next round of Goldfish in a Dixie cup.

Overall, it was a good trip and everyone who hosted us was so welcoming and gracious (if you were one of them, you were of course our favorite. No question.) We tried to stay only 2-3 days at each house, much like the stomach flu. With four kids, it's a similar experience. We leave you exhausted and wondering what hit you.

We will probably make it a yearly trip. We even may go up with Matt's parents. Maybe they'll ride with us, maybe Matt and I will fly and they'll drive with the kids and we'll just meet up. Haven't worked out the details yet.

You'd think I'd be Smarter with all this Education...

There's been a lot of stuff going on lately so I'll try not to bore you with all the details of every little thing.

Jack turned 9 earlier this month and he had a few special requests. He asked to decorate his own cake as a model of an animal cell then he was so embarrassed by its imperfections that he wouldn't talk about it or explain it. Sheesh.

Then he asked me if the children at his party could build a model of something - an atom or DNA. A cell cake and a DNA craft? Don't spoil these kids for birthday parties for the rest of their lives. Slow down on the fun, Jack!

In the end, the Pinterest-inspired craft of DNA models with Twizzlers and colored marshmallows turned out pretty well. Despite the fact that the kids didn't listen much to Jack's instructions on pairing the marshmallows by color so it would be more realistic, everyone's DNA was delicious. Which is not a sentence I ever thought I'd write.

Right after the party - like, right after the party, we went camping on our inaugural trip with our new camper. We haven't camped since before Noah was born. So we've doubled our kids since last time. Boy, have we ever. This isn't a cheapo pop-up like our last one, this has four bunks. The table and couch even fold out so we could have like 10 people sleeping in it. We've offered this to both our parents but they have been surprisingly uninterested.

Jack wanted to take a picture of me and told me to act natural. Me trying to read while sitting next to one toddler and having another hanging on my arm was actually pretty natural.

Camping's tough.

Matt's parents brought over his presents on his actual birthday morning in the camper. One of them was a multi-functional tool with a compass and binoculars and such. He happily trooped out to the woods to use it. And yes, that is a first aid kit on his belt loop. A birthday gift from one of his pals. Got a small burn or cut? He's your man.

And then...I graduated. College, that is. I finally, after many months, tears, and glasses of wine, got my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing (BSN - really a Bachelor of Stuff and Nonsense). I've learned a few things over my years as an adult student:

-I really, really hate APA format. I imagine that one of the circles of Hell includes APA format, demons with red pens and rulers, measuring the margins to the millimeter. I had an 8th grade grammar teacher that would have been truly spectacular at that particular position.

-Can we, as adults in education, professors and students alike, all agree of the relative meaninglessness of some degrees? My first nursing degree was chock full of useful information and I hit the ground running every single day. This degree, like many higher education degrees, was full of busywork and papers and rhetoric about professional excellence and scholastic achievements and other such things I simply can't remember anymore.

-In the same vein (oh yes I did), students who started a little later would always ask me and my classmates about the class we were in or had just finished. They'd say "Was Policy hard?" and I'd always reply "Did I take that class? I honestly don't remember. Is nursing policy actually a thing? Doesn't ring a bell..."

-I'd make a terrible professor. The first day of class, I'd sit everyone down and say "Ok, listen up. You and I both know you're here simply as a stepping stone in your career or because your workplace is paying for it or because you'll get a raise because of such and such degree. We can all agree most of this is pretty pointless so let's just do what we have to do to fulfill the college's accreditation requirements and get on out of here. Wendy's is only open until 11 tonight and after reading all these boring textbook pages, I for one am definitely going to need a Frosty."

-I now have three Associate degrees (Arts, Early Childhood Education, and Science) and my Bachelors. If you added them all up, I'd have a Doctorate and a half.

Matt, who even before this was my favorite person, threw me a surprise graduation party. I'm a great person to surprise because I don't know what's going on ever.

Matt coordinated the whole thing with my two best friends, my older sister, my in-laws and my parents. All of the children we have between us are not pictured for obvious reasons.

Finally, we are heading out for a week's vacation time up in NY. Matt is doing some things for work and since he has family in NY and we haven't seen them since Noah was an infant we decided to suck it up and all of us go up to visit. We're leaving at 3am and I should be cleaning to at least bring it up to a respectable level for the family staying at our house with Toby but after all the prep with the trip I simply can't bring myself to clean anymore.

Bag of tricks.

Why yes, cashier at Walmart, we are traveling a long way with small children.

Benadryl is on to us...

And then tonight as we're scurrying around trying to get everything packed and cleaned, the dog puked on the 2 ft of floor rug in the huge, wood-floored family room. Thanks, buddy. Oh and the ironing board fell against the door of the laundry room and broke, wedging the door shut. Matt had to saw it in half so I can finish the last load of laundry that I can't bring myself to fold tonight. The door reminds me of those old-school church nursery doors that were in every church when I was growing up.

At least the housesitters probably won't notice the crushed Cheerios on the floor with a door like this.

Me (as a kid is screaming in the background): "If we make it back from NY with all of the kids, I'll be very surprised."

Matt: "I'll be very surprised if we leave tomorrow morning with all of the kids..."