All during our time in NY, Matt and I were visiting his Grandma Dot in the hospital, who was being treated for pneumonia and the underlying condition of congestive heart failure. Since the kids weren't able to go to the hospital, Matt and I took turns visiting her.
At some point, Aunt Sue told us that they had moved some of Grandma's stuff to her little assisted living apartment and if we wanted to go through the rest of the stuff and take things we wanted and/or reminded us of Grandma, we could. I found a doughnut magnet that said "Lord, if you can't make me skinny, make my friends fat."
Yes. I will definitely take that one.
We also found some sentimental things - Matt took Grandpa's old handsaw, I found some glass goblets with our last name and a crest etched in them, an old fashioned silver butter container, little things the kids would appreciate - costume pearl necklaces for the girls, a little wooden rocking horse for Noah, an old pin from Grandpa's job celebrating a clean driving record that Jack was thrilled to have. Echos of the past that seep into our present.
One day when I was visiting Grandma with Matt's Aunt Sue, the doctor came in and took off Grandma's O2 and said "Why do they keep putting her on oxygen? Let's see how she does without it."
As a nurse, I was willing to bet big money on two things:
1. There was a reason "they" kept putting her on oxygen.
2. The doctor would forget to put it back on.
Sure enough, the end of the conversation came, at which the doctor bade a hasty farewell. I had watched Grandma's oxygen drop from 98 to 87. So I ran after him and told him I could put the oxygen back on.
Sheesh.
Grandma had been asking about seeing our kids and was sad she couldn't see them this trip. She recounted often the night on last year's visit when she and Tali ate corn and laughed at each other.
So on the last day in their town, while moving Grandma from the hospital to the rehab center, we stopped at Aunt Sue's house so Grandma could see the kids.
And son of a gun, do you know what Noah said as soon as he saw her?
"Grandma, we went to your house when you weren't there and took things you're not using."
She looked up at me with her sweet little old lady blue eyes.
"He might have Tourette's...we're looking into it..."
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| I do realize this is a terrible picture, Noah's head is cut off and Talitha isn't looking and you can hardly see Matt and Grandma. But the best we could do under the circumstances. |
She was much more interested in interacting with the kids than taking pictures. These are the things we want our kids to remember. That it's important to do these trips even when it's tough and long and expensive. When Matt and I moved from Alaska to GA when Jack was a newborn, we purposely started in Chicago so we could visit both his grandpa and mine. They both died within months of those visits and we cherish that last time and the fact that they got to meet Jack. Life is so fleeting and so sweet. It feels good to know that the big kids at least will remember Grandma Dot and the little kids can look at the pictures and know that she was witness to their lives and they were to hers.
That morning we left and drove to Buffalo. Bittersweet goodbyes, a quick breakfast with good cousins and ice cream on the way.
We spent the night in Buffalo with Matt's best friend and his family. We played Marco Polo and tag and ate pizza and, after the kids went to bed, drank beer and watched the Republican debates and made fun of everyone, which is the only way to watch it.
On our last weekend, we drove 5 hours East to spend a couple days with Matt's brother and his wife and daughter. We rode the carousel in Saratoga amidst the horse race frenzy and swam in their pool everyday. Matt's brother was pleased with Noah's swimming ability and would often tell him to go jump in the deep end, to which Noah was take off at a full run and kick out a leg and yelled as he splashed into the pool to swim around underwater and do it again. The guys spent hours throwing the kids into the pool.
We don't get to see them too often, once or twice a year. I really enjoyed getting to know my sister-in-law Taryn a little bit more this trip. We literally spent each evening after the kids went to bed drinking wine (ok, a bottle a night but honestly, they're practically single serve bottles anyway), eating fruit, watching reality tv and doing our nails. We laughed, we talked, we got an extension cord for her little nail dryer. I regaled her with embarrassing stories of my childhood, including the time I moved right before 9th grade and decided to trim my own bangs. One side would be uneven, then the other.
What ended up happening was that I started my high school years (at a brand new school in a brand new state) looking like a recent lobotomy patient. My bangs were literally a short spiky line across my forehead. Straight up.
Needless to say, I was not voted "Best Hair."
Anyway, it's hard to stay at someone else's house with young kids. Every house we went to, the kids acted like they had never been in a house before.
"What's this? A glass door? How odd. Should we lick it? Should we slam it?"
"Wow, a staircase! Let's stomp up and down really fast over and over and then throw a ball up and down the stairs."
It was exhausting. And Matt's brother and his wife are such good parents. Patient, gentle with speaking, constantly attentive. There was a point in our weekend there that Matt looked at me and said "Hey, where's Noah?"
Neither one of us knew. But we just kind of shrugged and went on with our meal.
Speaking of meals (and feeling like a crap parent), Andrew and Taryn would lovingly strap their daughter into her high chair and meals would be a time of exploration and learning, each food had a name and was talked about and praised.
We literally sent our kids to eat at the table by the pool so we could eat in peace. Occasionally we'd open a window and yell things.
After watching this sweet display of engaged parenting, Matt and I would say to each other "Remember when we cared?"
(As a side note, I was telling my bestie about these great parenting moments and my feelings of inadequacy and she interrupted me with an astonished "Wait - they still have a strap on their high chair?" She and I are kindred spirits - Rosie is the Diana to my Anne.)
On the way home, we stopped at a hotel. We ate at a Johnny Rockets where the girls entertained us with dancing. Then we swam in the hotel pool until 10 pm.
Our final destination was my Aunt and Uncle's fabulous new home in SC. Aunt Cindy enjoyed spoiling my oatmeal-eating kids with Toaster Strudels (which was a first for all of them) and I spent some time on their amazing back porch, talking to their neighbor about her upcoming adoption from China. All in all, good times. Til next year, Yankees!
