United We Wait

Thursday night, the night before we left, was off to a weird start. I was gone most of the day, running errands and dropping Kate and Noah off with my parents. People are constantly asking me if I'll miss them, if they cried when I dropped them off, etc. The answers are a little and no. So many other parents who are adopting basically break down in tears when they talked about leaving their other kids and how they had to call multiple times a day. Am I the only one who is just fine with this setup? This would be little a honeymoon but for Jack coming with us.

"Excuse me," I say, leaning across the ticket counter, "Do we all have to sit together? Could Matt and I be upgraded somehow? Don't worry about Jack, he's 8. That's half of sixteen, which is almost an adult. We'll pass him some peanuts on the way to the restroom. No? Well let me ask you this - do we all have to be on the same flight?"

At my parents' house, Kate gave me a hug and said goodbye, her hand already reaching for the cereal cupboard. Noah knows something is up, as I've gone over this scenario everyday for weeks. He laid his head on my shoulder for awhile when we said goodbye and told me "Uh uh Mamaw." Which is his way of saying no, he doesn't want to stay at Mamaw's. But he didn't cry and probably passed out later in an ice cream coma. My mom said he asked for us the first day but didn't cry and was completely fine yesterday. We have been wiped for his memory apparently, replaced with people who pass out movies and popcorn constantly. I can't blame him.

The point of that long story was to say we were gone a long time yesterday and our dog tends to get stressed and lonely and expresses his emotions in several creative ways. I forgot to close our bedroom doors and Thursday night at bedtime I found a packet of poptarts and a hole in our sheet. It seems like he got the packet off the counter and tried to open it on our bed. I didn't sleep well Thursday and woke up at midnight with my hand caught in the hole in the sheet. I sleep facedown with no pillow in the shape of a swastika. I know, it sounds like the beginning of a ritual sacrifice. 

And then I began feeling a little crampy. Is it that time again? Crap, right before China. It feels like my ovaries are writhing in agony, saying things to each other like "We work so hard. She doesn't appreciate our efforts at all. She is uncaring." They are angry. And with good reason. I don't care.

We left our house at 345 am to head to the Jacksonville Airport. We got into Chicago at 730 am Central time. Our flight, originally at 1230 pm to Hong Kong, was delayed to 2 pm. I think it listed "Airplane Servicing" as the reason. Well shoot. A five hour layover turned to 7. 

We walked around, we found the kids play area, we walked those huge conveyor belts for people (Chicago has a lovely section of people movers between concourses. The lights are dim, it has soothing lights that come on and off over the movers with quiet classical music in the background. It was so soothing, it made us forget our rage for a moment), we played chess, we ate fries, we watched shows and airplanes taking off.

It was delayed to 2:30, then 3. We saw the plane arrive and people applauded. We boarded. It was a huge plane, 3 sections with three different rows of seats across. Maybe 200 people or so. We got on around 5 and sat for an hour, arranging our things and fluffing our terrible little pillows. I got an email from United Thursday morning, telling me it was 24 hours before the flight and I could call for economy plus upgrades. I called and got us all upgraded together. We we checked it, we were all scattered in different sections of economy. We I went up to the counter to check, they had to work for 30 minutes just to get me and Jack together. Matt was in another area. Surprisingly, he didn't complain much. 

After an hour or so on the plane, we were told that they left the food cart thing out for too long and it wasn't good enough to serve us. We would have to get off the plane so they could find more food. They said they were deeply sorry. Jack told me "They shouldn't say they're sorry, they keep doing this to us. That means they aren't sorry." Yup. A flight attendant tells us that they have been here since 10 am and can't fly on this flight because it would be too long. That makes more sense than canceling the flight over food.

It seems like a pretty obvious ruse. We can't leave on our flight because you left the egg salad sandwiches out too long? If they had taken a vote, I think everyone would just as soon live off the peanuts and just get there. 

So we all got off the plane around 530 pm and were made to stand in line to get meal vouchers. They told us to go eat and come back at 6 pm and they would have an update, with a tentative leave time of 8pm. At this time we won't be able to keep our Hong Kong hotel reservations. I begin to think that United is a shortened version of the motto "United in our pursuit of incompetence."

We got back to the counter and the announcement came on that the flight had been canceled. It begins to rain. United has no plan for the 200 people on the flight. People are on their phones, scrambling to ticket counters to get on flights to Hong Kong. I asked if they would please book us on Cathay Pacific or Korean Air because they are awesome. We got booked on a 330 pm Saturday flight to Hong Kong, which puts us in at 820 pm Sunday. We will miss the 430 pm flight to Nanning, Tali's province. We got a hotel voucher for the night. The lady next to us at the counter was livid and mean. Sometimes it pays to be nice. We got on Cathay Pacific (which is about 1k more than the United ticket, so a free ride is a good deal) and the lady working the counter at United was kind and made jokes with us. Instead of giving us the standard $10 food voucher per person, she gave us $30. We have $90 to spend on food before our flight today. So that was very nice.

We are told to go to baggage claim to get our suitcases. All of us are crowded down at Baggage Claim 2. There is nothing coming out. We wait for about 20 minutes. Suitcases start appearing. They are for another fight. We wait. We are told to go to another baggage claim area. We wait. Everyone is upset and talking about the flight. We give each other that look people give when they have been through something together. Solidarity, fellow sufferers, solidarity.

The suitcases begin arrive, people traveling back and forth between baggage areas as they are all over the place. They have been left out in the thunderstorm and are wet. Yes, of course they are. We make jokes with our fellow flight members about using the vouchers for wine.

At this point, we have been in the world's busiest airport for 12 hours. 

Jack has been a good sport, it was a tough day for us all but certainly for an active 8 year old. 

I twitch thinking about having Noah with us now.

We finally got to the hotel and took long showers and stretched out in bed. Jack watched Shrek from his bed on the pullout couch. I spent all yesterday evening calling our contact in China and rebooking the flight to Nanning. There are no seats for the Monday flight so we are booked on the Tuesday flight. We now have a whole day (Monday) in Hong Kong. We have to pay almost $400 to rebook the flight. I have to change reservations at two hotels in China. We called United and complained. The customer service rep sent an email to her manager or someone in charge. I ask her to kindly add in some swear words. Not the really bad ones, just enough to let them know we're serious. 

We're just relaxing in Chicago in the hotel now, waiting to leave for our flight. I hope to blog from Hong Kong tomorrow. 

The good things about yesterday:

-Lots of free vouchers for food

-The nice woman at the hotel desk took pity on us and gave us a promo code for the hotel wifi (it's normally $13)

-Nothing too major in my suitcase got wet. Baby socks and headbands

-We get to fly on a luxury airliner for free

-That big snafu last week about the civil affairs office being closed and not being able to get Talitha until Wednesday? Works out perfectly now - we couldn't have made it to Nanning Monday. Thank you Lord.

-The free wifi code so we could get the international codes and call China

The bad things about yesterday:

-Everything else

Waiting, hoping, and praying for a smooth rest of the journey.

Adoption Update...a few more sleeps til China

After so many months, a year and a half really, of planning and praying...it's almost here. I will be holding her next week. The suitcases are somewhat packed and it makes me smile to see a pile of clothes for Tali along with baby puffs and bibs. We're almost there, sweetness. Almost there.

We leave Friday morning. Early, early. Like 0345. I told Matt that I was going to be too excited to sleep and would have to take a sleeping pill at like 8 pm. Jack chimed in that he was going to be too excited to sleep as well. I said "Well, maybe I can give you a little Benadryl and see if that helps you sleep."

So then today he told my friend that I was going to give him a sleeping pill. Which makes me sound like I'm just randomly threatening him with sleeping pills. Not to say that I haven't been tempted at times...

Speaking of mediocre parenting, a couple days ago Jack was misbehaving at the store. I launched into the typical middle-class well-read parenting speech about bad decisions and self-control and being responsible and blah, blah, blah. Near the end of my speech, a mother and her kids walked by us with their cart. The boy, about Jack's age, was jumping around and the mom calmly stated "If you don't stop, I'm going to beat your ass."

And I thought "Perhaps I'm going about this all wrong."

Back to the adoption front, it's all sorts of chaos over here. I'm trying to finish my homework for this week and pack and clean and get our adoption paperwork together and all sorts of other things. I keep telling myself "Make a list, keep organized." But I either forget to make a list and try to keep it in my head (a dubious prospect) or I make it on a scrap piece of paper that has stickers and goldfish crumbs on it and then I lose it.

I'm not a stressful person and don't worry about things too much. But I'm having a hard time balancing things right now. Homework, homeschooling, housework, childcare. The adoption is in full speed right now (or fifth gear - what's that saying) and I feel like I'm stretched thin. We've had such an outpouring of love the last few months and weeks. Friends and family have supported our adoption and watched the kids and sent me notes of encouragement. It's keeping me from falling completely apart. Even so, I've had several ugly crying sessions. Most recently yesterday at dinner, when I was blubbering to Matt about trying to wire money to China and other stressful events of my day. My kind and sweet in-laws happened to stop by at that time and there is just no saving dignity at that point. It was an ugly, ugly cry. They were dropping off a quilt a dear friend made for Talitha. So that was a wonderfully happy brightspot. Then later I found two zits on my face and it was just misery again.

I got the paperwork together yesterday that we have to take to China; thankfully there was already a checklist from the agency to use so I didn't have to not make one. One of the items was a couple extra passport pictures for me and Matt. I have had extra pictures in a Kodak envelope for over a year. They've been in my adoption folder (which sounds nice and little but it's one of those big accordion things that I have mentally burned a million times because I'm so sick of it). They've just been in my way and I kept moving them around in the pockets. Of course, now that I'm a couple days from travel, they are no where to be found. Thankfully, I had scanned them into the computer months ago (because I had to email them, not because I thought ahead) so I ordered them to be picked up at Walmart.

I've been home for 20 minutes and just realized that I left the pictures in the cart. Somewhere in our little town tonight, an envelope with our heads is resting. Waiting. For some lucky person to pick it up.

While I'm sad that I have to order them again tonight and pick them up tomorrow, it brings me a small measure of happiness imagining the perplexed facial expression that would accompany opening up an envelope with pictures of heads in it.

It's the small things, really, that get us through the day sometimes.

Adoption Update

Here we are - 9 days from travel.

Single digits, baby. Single digits!

The elation has been tempered with misery, as is often the case with adoption (and life in general I suppose). We first set the appointment for a gotcha day (when we get Tali) on Sept 2 and a consulate appointment (CA - US consulate appt in China to finalize things for our government) on Sept 9.

Then a cold wave of reality washed over us with the news that the civil affairs office in Guangxi (Talitha's province) is moving on August 20th and may need extra time to get her passport done. So we moved the CA up to Thursday September 12th and added a couple extra days to the trip. Annoying but no big deal in the end.

I spent this last weekend calling airlines, travel agents, hotels, hotel tell reward programs, etc. I looked up in country transportation and decided on a combination of flight to Nanning, overnight train to Guangzhou and a van back to Hong Kong. It was a bit of a task to balance hotels in three cities using points and cash and figuring out which hotels only allowed 2 people (like the matchbox rooms of Hong Kong) and which allowed 3-4, which hotels charged for rollaways and which had airport shuttles. Finished everything up Monday (thanks to good friends who watched the kids while I was on the phone for so long that my ear got overheated).

The cold wave of reality washed over us again on Tuesday with the news that the government has ordered the closing of Guangxi's civil affairs office on Sept 2 and 3. For a conference of some sorts. I hope it's a conference of the Kings and Queens of the Entire World for Global Harmony and Peace or something equally important. We were advised to postpone for a week.

That's right. The day after I bleed, sweated, and cried my way through days of travel arrangements.

The American in me wants to pick up the phone and demand that we adopt Talitha on the 4th and remind them that this is their fault and we already have our plane tickets.

I can't do that for a couple reasons. First and most important is the fact that I don't speak the language. It would just be minutes of my irate rantings to some confused and possibly stunned Chinese government employee. Second, I get the feeling that customer service is not high on the priority. Of course, that sometimes goes for government offices in America too. It's not like you have a choice whether to go to the DMV to get your license. "You'll take crappy service and poor attitudes and you'll like it" seems to be the motto.

So I sent a message to our contact to please beg and plead and pass along our abject adoration of them if they would kindly assent to getting Talitha and adopting her on the same day, Sept 4 (usually there's Gotcha Day then you make the adoption official with paperwork a couple days later).

I knew I wouldn't get a response yesterday as China is 12 hours ahead and sleeping during our day.

So I just wallowed in my own misery yesterday, wearing pajama pants at noon and watching clips of "Family Feud" on youtube. I didn't have any junk food but at several times considered drinking Hershey syrup straight from the bottle.

Matt and I prayed. That God would just have to take care of this adoption. We were helpless, absolutely nothing we could do.

Woke up this morning to the email that the civil affairs office in Nanning has graciously allowed us to get Talitha on Sept 4 and adopt her the same day. The passport will be done Monday or Tuesday after that and express mailed to Guangzhou, where we arrive on Saturday the 7th to await the medical exam and consulate appointment.

Do you ever have those moments when you are so overwhelmed with gratitude for the grace of God that you don't have adequate words to express it? That's it right now.

In lighter news, we are filling prescriptions, setting aside things to pack, making lists, getting ready to get ungodly amounts of cash from the bank and cut the big kids hair before we go.

Lastly, I leave you pictures of our recent rice dinner. Jack brought out his P.F. Chang's kids chopsticks to use ("I really need to start practicing, Mom") and Noah decided he needed chopsticks too. A single straw was brought in for the purpose and made for some entertainment for our meal.

Toddler's Log

Toddler's Log: Monday morning

0900   Spot a container of hummus. Decide to slather it on my hair. No reason - it just feels right.

0903   Mom says "Why did you do that? I shrug. Sometimes a man just has to do what he feels is best.

0905   Bath

1000   Venture into the parent's bathroom. Curling iron...floor. Trash can...emptied. Dad's shoes...ooh, these feel nice. Mom's lip gloss from the counter...all over my body. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, huge sandals on my feet, saggy diaper, pink gloss in artistic streaks on my arms and legs and stomach.
     
 I look fabulous.

1005  Mom says "Why did you do that?'  I shrug.

1006   Bath

1015   We go swimming. I laugh, I squeal with glee, I am sweetness and light and everything that is good in this world.

1100   Mom takes off my swim diaper and then gets distracted talking to my siblings. I poop on my legs. Just to make sure that it is in fact poop, I reach behind me and then look at my hand. Yup, poop. I show Mom.

1101   Mom shrieks

1102   Bath

1200   Put my Crocs on and stomp in the dog's water dish. Put all my little cars in the water dish. Eat some dog food. Scoop up some water from the water dish and swirl it around in my hair. No reason - it just feels right.
       
1203   Mom shrieks "Why did you do that?"  I shrug. I'm just a laissez-faire type of a guy. I fly by the seat of my Huggies; I go where the wind goes; I answer to no one.

1205   Bath

1230   Mom puts me down for a nap. I rest my head on her shoulder and pat her with my chubby little hand. I lay down and close my eyes. My lips are pursed and kissable, my cheeks look like those of a cherub. I drift off to sleep dreaming of an absolutely diabolical afternoon.

 No reason, it just feels right.

Adoption Update and a little dash of flipping out

We received our last piece of paper from China (Article 5) and was told our Travel Approval has been issued in a breathtakingly fast 4 days (it normally takes about 2 weeks). Once we get our hard copy of the TA, we begin the process of travel arrangements. Most people leave about 2-3 weeks after TA, which puts us at meeting Tali early September.

In like 3-4 weeks.

Weeks people, weeks.

In that time, we have to make flight and hotel arrangements (including in-country travel), get prescriptions filled (ew orphanage scabies), make packing lists and actually refer to them, clean the house (or try my hardest to care a little bit about it), make sure our visas/passports arrive in time, and other such travel-ly things. This is one of those times I wish I was organized and clean and had nice hair (this is so when something is messed up - I forget something or didn't sign something or accidentally packed Kate's underwear instead of my own - at least I can look good doing it).

I had a dream a week ago that I was in a room with Talitha. Strangely, it was a schoolroom, with those chair-desk combinations. Someone was holding her and I could see her, but only from behind. It was frustrating that I never saw her face and eventually I had to content myself with the fact that at least I could see her and know she's safe.

That's how it feels now. We're so close but still no Tali.

Adoption is such an interesting thing. I love her like I love my other kids but it's...different. With my other kids, it was natural, like floating downstream. But with adoption, the love begins as a matter of fact. You love this child, at least on an intellectual level, simply because you know that someday she will be yours. But it's a hard fought love - a clawing my way up a mountain - trying to hold on as much as I can - love. And now that I know her, at least a little teensy bit, it's so natural. Of course she is mine and I love her.

Love is such an overused word. It's a Nicholas Sparks movie and a 50 year marriage and strong feelings of happiness towards tacos.

And yet for all of the things that love is and means, I love her.

And I will be holding her close and squishing her little thighs and blowing raspberries on her tummy and calling her silly names very soon.

Send up a prayer for us and her if you get a minute please. As excited as we are, I know there are most likely dark days ahead for us. Adoption is amazing but at its core is loss. Loss of family, loss of heritage, loss of security. 

O God of Good Things, grant peace and healing. 

She is so worthy of love, this little child I don't yet know. Soon, sweet girl. Soon.