0900 Spot a container of hummus. Decide to slather it on my hair. No reason - it just feels right.
0903 Mom says "Why did you do that? I shrug. Sometimes a man just has to do what he feels is best.
0905 Bath
1000 Venture into the parent's bathroom. Curling iron...floor. Trash can...emptied. Dad's shoes...ooh, these feel nice. Mom's lip gloss from the counter...all over my body. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, huge sandals on my feet, saggy diaper, pink gloss in artistic streaks on my arms and legs and stomach.
I look fabulous.
1005 Mom says "Why did you do that?' I shrug.
1006 Bath
1015 We go swimming. I laugh, I squeal with glee, I am sweetness and light and everything that is good in this world.
1100 Mom takes off my swim diaper and then gets distracted talking to my siblings. I poop on my legs. Just to make sure that it is in fact poop, I reach behind me and then look at my hand. Yup, poop. I show Mom.
1101 Mom shrieks
1102 Bath
1200 Put my Crocs on and stomp in the dog's water dish. Put all my little cars in the water dish. Eat some dog food. Scoop up some water from the water dish and swirl it around in my hair. No reason - it just feels right.
1203 Mom shrieks "Why did you do that?" I shrug. I'm just a laissez-faire type of a guy. I fly by the seat of my Huggies; I go where the wind goes; I answer to no one.
1205 Bath
1230 Mom puts me down for a nap. I rest my head on her shoulder and pat her with my chubby little hand. I lay down and close my eyes. My lips are pursed and kissable, my cheeks look like those of a cherub. I drift off to sleep dreaming of an absolutely diabolical afternoon.
No reason, it just feels right.
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