Biting Back My Wishes

You know when you wish for something and then after it happens, you regret it?

Deeply.

Over the past couple weeks I've been thinking occasionally that I wish something interesting would happen so I could blog about it.

So dumb. Sooo dumb.

Last Friday we were at my best friend's community pool for her son's birthday. Swimming, presents, cake, happiness.

After a while I heard Noah calling to me from a bathroom. I stuck my head in and he said "Wipe me, Mama."

As I walked further into the bathroom, I started seeing things. Horrible things.

Let me back up a bit.

Noah doesn't just sit back onto the toilet. He does it with style. He plants his left foot on the seat and swings his right leg over to the other side, like straddling a horse.

Unfortunately, this time he miscalculated, just a bit.

He began his bowel emptying as he was swinging his leg.

That's right. Poop all over next to the toilet.

On the trash can.

On the floor.

On the wall.

On the outside of the toilet.

I stared in blank horror for a few seconds then slowly walked out of the bathroom and called to Matt, where he was talking to some friends.

"Maaaatttt?"

He comes in and we both stare in blank horror for a few seconds.

Matt starts sputtering - "What...?  How did you...? What...?

"Are you sick?" I ask Noah.

"No," he replies, almost cheerfully from his view on the toilet (there is nothing in the toilet - nothing.).

We start the arduous (odorous?) process of wiping everything down with the only thing we had available - paper towels.

"Noah, how did this happen? This doesn't even make sense. I've never seen anything like this before."

"Holy heck, it's in the grout. How the crap do I get crap out of the grout?"

At one point, Matt stops and looks up at the ceiling.

"Why did I come to this party? Why was I born?"

While washing our hands at the sink, Matt asked Noah, "So what did we learn today?"

Noah, "It was bad."

Indeed it was.

As we were exiting the bathroom, holding the trashbag (that was ruined because Noah got poop all over the bag, as it was rolled down from the can), a friend remarked, "Well, at least you got a blog post."

It's a very thin silver lining but it's there, I suppose.