The Best Button Seamstress Ever

I have a good friend who knows how to sew. Really, I would call her my best friend but that smacks of sleepovers and notes passed in study hall. Dear friend implies that we drink tea together and host fundraisers to end social injustice. Bestie is right out. I can hardly type that word. We do none of the aforementioned things so good friend it is.

She makes really cute purses. If ever I have an occasion to use a clutch, it will be one of hers. They just won't work in my everyday life, though. I'll be in line at CVS: "Oh wait," I'll say, digging into my elegant clutch with the exquisite pleats, "I have a coupon for that Ex-Lax!"

A few months ago, maybe a year (I'm as good with time as I am measurements), I mentioned to my friend that I saw plans for no-sew, DIY, blind treatments for windows. Like a roman shade (Roman?). They were so beautiful, I decided to make them. Someday. A few weeks ago, I walked into her house and there they were, mocking me with their craftiness.

Sure, there's a little irritation that she made them and I haven't yet. But mostly pride. Because they were my idea, after all. She might have done the grunt work but I had the concept, which is actually much more difficult. I imagine a guest over at her house (maybe we're having a party, a fundraiser to save the Mongolian weasel), admiring the shades. I touch the fabric lovingly and say "She made them physically but I made them emotionally." And then I will graciously accept the accolades.

Last week I decided to actually do one of the many plans I have bookmarked on my computer (a lazier Pinterest). One site promised a project for the non-experienced seamstress. So not a seamstress at all, really. Of course, I have a leg up on the rest of the readers. I can reattach a button like nobody's business.

This is what the directions looked like to me:

Get your fabric ready. Measure it to desired length. Now get your sewing machine ready. Make sure the bobbin is in the latent position, minding the thread (make sure it's organic chintz!). Now you simply make a loop stitch on the top, then add in a Wisconsin tie down. Baste down the side (switch your needle to a 3/16) and gather the ends, forming a Windsor knot formation - watch for puckering and reforming! Now you just finish the edges with sateen and there you have it. Easy Peasy! Start to finish before your coffee has cooled!

Obviously, my definition of non-experienced and theirs is very different.

I finally did find a no-sew project, a halter top. Even that I messed up though, cutting too much in some places and not enough in others. Of course, the process was peppered with questions.

Kate: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm making a halter top out of a men's t-shirt."
Jack: "That's a waste of a t-shirt."
Me: "Well, not really, since I'll be making a halter top out of it."
Jack: "Why don't you just buy a halter top?"
Me: "Because I can make one out of this t-shirt."
Jack: "It seems like it'd be easier to just buy one already made."
Me: "This is easy (grimace here because I cut too much off)."
Jack: "It doesn't look easy."

After awhile I tried it on and asked the kids how I looked.

Kate: "It should be purple."
Jack: "You look like a man."

Confidence boosted.