Mensa Won't Be Calling Me Anytime Soon

Feeling down?

Feeling not so smart?

Here is a smattering of things I've done lately. This should help.

Bread

The other day I decided to make four loaves of bread. Usually I only make two at a time - now I know why.  I put the dry ingredients into the mixer and started it. Poof! Flour everywhere. The counter, the floor, me (sans apron, of course). I stood there befuddled for a moment until I realized that I put the wrong attachment on. Instead of the bread hook, I had attached the wide flat paddle thing and it was just flinging ingredients around like a tiny hurricane. So that was fun.

The idiocy continued when I burned the bread. All four loaves. And just on the bottom.

So to try to salvage the bread I cut the bottoms off.

And then like a ninny left the burned bottoms on the counter so Toby could get them. Yup.

The ironic thing is that I was just thinking that I should write a blog post about baking bread because I am awesome at baking bread. 

Don't expect that post anytime soon.

Childproofing for Idiots

Noah is a master at opening and unlocking doors so we have those plastic things that go over the knobs so he can't open them. The one over the front door knob fell off so I had to figure out how to put it back together. There are little grooves and stuff that have to line up on both sides and it took me quite an embarrassingly long amount of time to do it but I finally got it. Then I realized that I had assembled it off the doorknob so I had to take it apart and reassemble it on the doorknob. Darn safety.

Triage

The triage component of our computer system at work has the same questions for every patient. Except that when you're interviewing a woman of childbearing age, you have to ask the date of her last period. It doesn't have that for a male patient, obviously. When you do something a lot, you just start anticipating the questions, you know?

So there I was, interviewing a 20-something-year-old guy. And I asked him when his last period was. Now there are several ways to fix this very awkward situation:

1. You can pretend like you didn't actually ask that and make him wonder if he hit his head when he sprained his ankle.

2. You can say something like "Well, you have a very feminine aura."

3. You can make a punctuation joke. But you really have to know your audience for that.