Should You Go To the ER?

As an ER nurse, it seems to me that people are a bit confused as to what is and what is not an emergency. Oftentimes the staff in the ER will just walk around with befuddled expressions based solely on the complaints. I've always thought this was common sense but it occurs to me that perhaps people just don't know. Here is a reference list in case you're thinking of popping in for a bit this afternoon:

-Are you calling ahead to see if there's a long wait? 

-Did you swing by McDonald's on the way to the ER for a snack while you get triaged?

-Are you checking in because someone your friend/family member/significant other is and you're bored so you might as well be seen for that weird toenail thing?

-Will you be reminding the staff that you have groceries in the car or a hair appt to make so they need to hurry it up?

-Is it Monday and you just don't want to go to work?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it's not an emergency.

On the other hand, here is a list of reasons to head on in there:

-Are you carrying your head in your hands?

-Are your feet pointing behind you while the remainder of your legs face forward?

-Are your internal organs trying to escape?

-Did you meet an ex for lunch and you thought you were just going to get some closure but instead she cackles evilly and states that she has poisoned your wine cooler with the spit of a thousand rabid weasels?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it is an emergency.

I hope this clears things up a bit.

Sincerely,

 Your friendly neighborhood ER staff