Today I spoke with a friend about the adoption. Their family is adopting from China as well, for the second time. As she listed the upcoming frustrations - the notarized papers, the exams, the fingerprints, the immigration stuff, the nickel and diming from both governments, I found myself getting discouraged. We knew this was a tough process when we began but we're pretty ignorant, so there is some happiness in that.
The fees are growing and so is the stress.
I hung up the phone and cried for a bit. I had been in the middle of reading The Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh when I got the call so the kids were asking why I was upset. I shared my frustration with them (we made a policy to bring them along, age-appropriately, on all our journeys - the adoption, youth work, spiritual battles and victories, etc). We prayed together for God to lead the way, to make the road straight before us. We prayed for the little girl who is to be our daughter and sister, we prayed for finances and for patience, for the wisdom to make decisions and for a spirit of sacrifice. Both the older kids had tears in their eyes and laid their heads on me to comfort me. Noah tried to eat a bouncy ball.
As I prayed and thought about this stress that threatens to overwhelm me, I thought about adoption. Matt and I feel like this is a mission, much like going to another country, just in our own home. And for life. Paying for adoption is paying a ransom for a child's life. A child who is born into a debt she cannot pay. She cannot pay the debt for a family, for healthcare, for food and warmth, for safety, for hope, for salvation - for love. It is an endless debt, an all-consuming debt.
Who am I to say this cost is so great when it is so ridiculously small compared to what has already been paid by Christ? My absurdity astounds me sometimes. Through this exciting time in our lives, filled with happiness and fraught with uncertainties, God is showing me good things. Things that are honest and real and deep and true and lasting. I'm so grateful for this journey He is leading us on, knowing that He continues a work He has promised to finish. Knowing that our children will see the grace being woven into their parents' lives.
I finished reading about heffalumps and woozles and stored up the sound of the kids' laughter, knowing that there are children out there who are fighting to survive and will never know the circling warmth of family, let alone enjoy the joyful adventures of Pooh and Piglet. If God uses the least of these for the greatest of things, I will count my life full of worth.
I will pay the ransom for her because Someone once paid the ransom for me. I was born with a debt. A debt of sin, a debt of death - it covered me and filled me and marked me for destruction and it is only by the grace of God am I free. Onward and upward.
Just now reading this (a little late). It's really encouraging and heart-stirring. My friends who live in and adopted from China have this beautiful, funny daughter who's full of energy and giggles with a bottomless belly, but it wasn't always like that. When they first got her, she couldn't accept affection because she'd never gotten it before. She was in an orphanage so full that she couldn't have what she needed (not to mention that Chinese adults are generally much much less affectionate toward children than American are) and was often overwhelmed. Don't be discouraged. There are so many kids in the world who need what they will never have, but there is one little Chinese girl who will. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenn, what a great last line. I may take it, use it, and receive praise for it. :)
ReplyDeleteWe plan on lots and lots of praying over her and time to let her heal.