The Naming - Part 2

We choose our kids middle names carefully. They are all named after people who mean a lot to us.

Jackson Dean - Dean is both Matt's former youth pastor and my dad's middle name. Matt dropped out of college at 20 to become a youth pastor, in large part because he benefited so much from Dean's influence in the teen years.

My dad is hands down one of the best men I know. He is kind and lives his life with integrity. The way he loves my mom is downright nauseating at times. I am honored to have my firstborn carry a name from both of these men.

Kate Margaret - When we lived in Alaska, we had the privilege of meeting an amazing family. They immediately treated us like part of it and we have many fond memories of dinners and games at their house. Margaret, the mom of the family, was a great influence in my life and was always there if I needed advice or some delicious caramel corn.  Her kids were in our youth group and remain our friends still. Her oldest daughter married Matt's youngest brother, which brings me to...

Noah Mark - Mark is Matt's youngest brother and just an all around great guy (I have to resist the urge to call him a kid). He is funny and sweet and I hope my sons take after both him and Matt as men. The fact that he married Margaret's oldest, Emily, is one of those cool, God things in life.

And now Talitha. You know the story to that name (and I forgot to mention that Talitha doesn't just mean little girl - it is an endearing term. The kind of 'little girl' you would call a beloved daughter. I imagine it said quietly and with great affection to a little one as she is tucked into bed at night. Sweetheart, my little girl - Talitha). And now for her middle name...

When we were talking to our case worker soon after the referral was received (our case worker's name is Margaret - and I smile every time I say it), and after relaying the story about the name Peggy, she remarked "I don't know why they named her Peggy, her Chinese name sounds like Ruby. They should have named her Ruby." Sure enough, I raced to the picture with her namecard. Underneath Peggy is the name Wu Rubei. It is the name given her by the orphanage. Wu is the surname - they name all kids with the same last name who are entered into the orphanage for each respective year. All kids who came to that orphanage in 2012 were named 'Wu.' Rubei is her first name.

My grandmother's name was Ruby. She was my dad's mom and she was a force of life before cancer reared its despicable head. She died a few months before I was born. My name is Jessica Mae after her Ruby Mae (oh, how I wished I was named Ruby!). My dad still tears up when he speaks of her and it is always in the highest praise. She was kind. She was a doer of good. She shaped my dad into the man and father and husband and grandfather he is.

Doesn't she look good and kind and full of love?

Even though I never met her, I miss her. I always imagined what it would be like if she were still here. I would be her favorite, of course. She would have a nice laugh.

Rubei. Ruby.

30 years after her passing, she will get a namesake in the form of a sweet little girl from China.

Talitha Ruby.

A nod to her Chinese heritage and our family's history.

This is the bracelet I have worn for the past few weeks and will wear until we hold Tali in our arms.

It has a small t engraved in the charm.

"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."  -Ancient Chinese Proverb

Rubei is part of her story; Ruby is part of mine. Our stories are beginning to entwine. 

I wear this bracelet because I want a tangible reminder of her. She is in my thoughts, she is in my dreams. I have no baby in my womb to touch and talk to until she is in my arms. All I can do now is touch the little t on the charm and think of my Talitha. We are waiting for each other - she just doesn't know it yet.

After she is adopted, I will put away the bracelet. One day, I will give it to her and tell her the story of Rubei and Ruby and how we came to belong together. I imagine in the years to come I will touch the bare spot on my wrist where this ruby red thread once connected us. And I will think of all these things and hold my daughter, Talitha Ruby. And smile.