An Open Letter to Talitha's Birthmother

To my daughter's mother:

I have started this letter many times but have lacked the courage to finish it. The odds of you ever reading this letter or meeting us in person is slim, I know. But there are things I must tell you, things you must know.

I want to thank you - so much - for choosing life for Talitha. I don't know the circumstances you faced two years ago or the circumstances you face still. It would have been easier for you, in some ways, to end her life. But you didn't. You chose to let that sweet little girl draw her first breath. You held her and fed her and probably watched with terror as she turned blue when she cried. There was a moment when you realized that something was wrong. There was a moment when you made the decision to give her away to save her life. On the other side of the world, I made the decision to raise your daughter as my own.

You have my eternal gratitude for giving her life, for leaving her in a safe place so that I might find her one day. I look at my sweet little girl and think about you. When she is all grown up someday I will wonder if perhaps there isn't a woman in China that walks the same way, that laughs the same way. I promise to tell her about your sacrifice and that you did it out of love for her, out of hope for a better life for a sick little girl.

Life is difficult. When we are born it is like a game of roulette and some are born with plenty, some are born with nothing at all but the breath in their lungs. I grew up reading stories about strong women and I was told that it was ok to be fierce and funny and speak my mind. It has been different for you, I know. Women live in the shadows in places all over the world. Not able to read, not able to be free, not able to hold their children, not able to control their own destiny. But now your daughter, my daughter, can live in the light. And now she can be fierce and funny and speak her mind too. You have given her a great gift, my friend.

Life is also a many splendored thing. This little girl is safe and warm and healthy and loved - because of you.

There is a proverb that states that women hold up half the sky. When you get tired, I will be ready on the other side of the world. And I will hold up your half. And when our daughter is grown and ready to take her place in the world, I will show her how to hold up the sky with her strong, strong arms.

With love and hope for those in the shadows,

Your daughter's mother